Free 7 Day Healthy Meal Plan (Sept 14-20)
3 days ago
Monday, July 26, 2010
The hardest thing I've ever had to do
It's with great peace and extreme sadness that I'm writing today. For the last week or so I've been flipping between being filled with peace and knowing that God has great plans for my life and being heart broken. I never thought it would be SO hard to go back to work. Landon has seriously been my whole world since he came and I can't believe I will be away from him for 6 hours a day. We truly believe this is God's will for us right now, and I don't understand and I don't know why...but He wants me here at DDB. I'm scared. Of missing "firsts" of missing fun of Landon not loving me as much. We have a very special connection (prob from breastfeeding and being home) and now one of those is going to be gone. Will he still love me as much? Will he miss me? Ugh. I've cried and cried the last 24 hours and probably will continue into next week. I need you Father. I need your love to take over my fear. Your peace to consume me. I need for Landon to know I'm his momma and love him beyond any measures. Please help him to understand. Please help me to not be miserable and feel like my heart is in pieces all year long. I just can't believe it's happening. Thursday I will be back, and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. Please pray these things for me if you get a chance. I just don't know how I'm going to do this, which must mean that God is going to do it for and through me.
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It will be hard, especially the first few weeks but you will do great! I don't know if you know this, but I went back to work after about 8 weeks, it was the hardest thing I had ever done. We just felt that we needed to do it for our family financially and also for our insurance benefits. But you know what? The two months that I worked FLEW by. I still had my baby and my family and he still knew I was his Mama, as much as he knew Luke was his Daddy even though we were both working lots. I always left a camera and a video camera with whomever was watching him and I was able to have precious memories stored permanently- rather than just in my memory. Plus, there is NOTHING better than when you walk through that door after a long day of work than that sweet little face so excited to see you.
ReplyDeleteAfter about two months or so, God made it completly clear that I needed to be home. It took the time at work for Luke to realize all he wanted was for me to stay home. He and I had to make MANY sacrifices, and I had a really hard time transistioning to staying home rather than being a provider. But all in all the experience of both really grew our family and helped us to decide what we wanted our lives to look like, and what God wanted for us.
Briana--I have been blessed to not have to work (yet) BUT I KNOW that there is nothing stronger or more natural than the bond between a baby and a mommy. Nothing will change that, in fact he'll probably "act" like he loves you even more because he'll be so excited to see you! Good luck! Remember, guilt is not a feeling of God.
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