Ellie's Pregnancy and Birth

Ellie's pregnancy was an odd one for me. Knowing she was the last was kind of weird. It made me soak up her movements a lot more, I was thankful for every day she let me know that she was alive and well. We really enjoyed hearing her heartbeat on the doppler as a family sometimes since we bought one to have here at home. It was joyous to know that another sweet baby would hopefully come live with us! It was also very hard. After losing Josiah everything about pregnancy and birth felt different. I worried a lot, I cried a lot. I wanted her so badly to come live with us and had zero control over it!
    While I was pregnant with Ellie I had a LOT of heartburn and it was so funny to me that she had the most hair at birth out of all our babies. I craved sweet things like candy a lot. I'm not a candy person. Normally I like chocolate or baked things and that's about it. But not this time! I was all about sour belts and starbursts and skittles. I also loved grapes and slushies!
     I continually told Matt that Ellie was either huge or she was very strong. She was the first of our babies to hurt me with her movements. We've discovered now that she was strong. She's small and mighty :) We saw on the ultrasounds a few times that she loved to move her mouth and tongue and sure enough, she still loves to do that! I ended her pregnancy the exact same weight I ended Lucas's which I thought was funny. I ended Landon and Laney's at a different weight than the other two, but ended their's at the exact same weight too!
   Throughout her pregnancy Matt and Stephanie (our incredible midwife and my dear friend) and I went around and around if I should have a repeat C-section or go to Flagstaff again and have another VBAC. I cried a lot over this and it surprised me! After Josiah, everything seemed so emotionally charged about this delivery. There was nothing to say beyond that I wanted Steph to be there and that I felt like signing up for a C was dumb. It's such a long recovery. I knew it was hard with Landon, so what about now with three small kids at home? We decided it just made sense to try for the VBAC if there was nothing that stopped us (like her being breech or placenta previa). I felt like everyone would think I was NUTS for choosing a section. Oh yeah, the reason we had to choose - our hospital here in town has a VBAC ban. So it was a C-section here in town with Stephanie or a VBAC in Flagstaff with well, basically strangers.
   So I went to my appointments in Flagstaff those last few weeks.***Disclaimer - I have nothing again FMC. I really think we had a bad run of nurses that night and it killed the entire experience. I still think it's a good hospital, I liked a lot of the providers I met. I think it just was completely in God's plan for us to decide to not deliver there.*** I liked one of the midwives and the two doctors that I met there. There were still 6 other people that delivered that I hadn't met yet! At 37 weeks I went in and asked Steph to check me. I had started losing some of my plug and was crampy but no contractions. She said I was 2 cm and really pretty soft and thin. I was happy I'd made some progress and things were starting. On Wednesday I was 37 weeks and 5 days and I woke up to off and on contractions that morning. This was how labor began with Lucas and Laney. I decided that afternoon to get checked. All our kids have been born on Wednesdays and I wanted to know where I stood in case we wanted to go to the hospital later. She said I was a 3/4 and still pretty thin and soft and my cervix was low. She bet I had 24 hrs or less before having a baby. That evening they picked up and got stronger and closer together. 10 mins, then 7 mins....I called Matt and told him to wrap youth group stuff up just in case. But I've had this happen before and turn out to not be labor. I took a shower and finished packing and we got my mother in law to come watch the kids. We prepared her and ourselves that we could be coming home, but it was already like 11 and we'd rather go now than in the middle of the night or when I'm super far into labor.
    We began our 75ish minute journey to Flagstaff. My contractions were very regular in the car. Every 6/7 minutes and I had to breath through them but I wasn't in any pain really. Just like with Lucas. We got there and the nurse checked me and said I was 3 cm and 70% effaced. I know everyone checks differently, but I seriously felt like the said that just to disappoint me and mess with my head. Both the charge nurse and the one working with us had an attitude. You probably won't stay. The on-call doc hates coming in for VBACs. We will only keep you if you prove you are in labor. Ok people. 5th kid. I know I'm a slow dilator and I labor as quickly as molasses. I also know that once I hit transition and my water breaks things go FAST and I told you I live far away! She told us we had one hour to walk and if I hadn't progressed we were going home. I was so annoyed. I felt like they were wanting to either get rid of me or give me another section. I was NOT having a section up there. So we walked and I felt vulnerable and angry and irritated the whole time. We came back after the hour mark and she said no progress, you are going home. I just bawled. My contractions were steady 5 mins apart on the monitor. I KNEW I was in labor. But this is how my body works and no one was listening. I requested that we talk to the midwife on call and we were denied. She never once came to meet us.
   To say I was irritated is an enormous understatement. I knew we would drive back and have to turn back around because I was IN LABOR! We talked the whole way back through contractions and decided to text Stephanie. I asked her if I really could prove I was in labor if we could just do a section in town but have her there. She said yes as long as I was in labor because they don't do C-sections normally until 39 weeks or once labor has begun. We went straight there and immediately I felt different. So relaxed, so loved on. We saw Katie our friend who is a nurse there and knew everything about Josiah. Steph greeted us with hugs and smiles. We even saw our old social worker Eileen who walked us through some dark hard hours at that hospital not even a year ago. They were all so thrilled for us. So excited that our baby was coming and would be fine. I was checked and they said I was easily a 3 and 80%. Walk for 30 and we will check again, but no time restraints. We leisurely walked around the hospital. Talked about when we were walking these same sidewalks 9-10 months back waiting to meet our baby who had already gone to live with Jesus. Instead of being sad, I felt so comforted being there. So understood. We came back after the 30 min mark and I was 5cm and baby girl was very low. HA! I knew it. I was so mad at those people for not listening to me and yet so relieved at the same time to be somewhere with people who DID listen. After our experience in Flag I just knew I didn't want to deliver our baby there. I just couldn't. After being checked Stephanie said the C-section was on and she just had to find out when. Two other sections were scheduled that day so who knew when. It could be a few hours. So we kicked back and decided we should text our close friends and family and let them know what was going on. We knew it was confusing and didn't know how to shortly explain what was happening! I hadn't even finished typing the text up and Steph came back and said in the next hour! WOAH buddy! I finished the text and a flurry of people were in and out of our room. Nurses needed an IV but my veins suck so a lady with an ultrasound machine had to come do it. We had to meet the anesthesiologist and sign a million papers and drink the sour drink and put on our smurf attire. All the while people are calling and texting us so confused. AH! I hardly even had a moment to be nervous. Steph asked us to talk about tying my tubes since she knew we were done and had planned to do something permanent after Ellie was born. It was just a LOT in an hour. We went from who knows if you are actually in labor, to baby will be here within the hour!
   The C-section experience was a million times different with Steph there. She held my hand and walked me through everything. I didn't once panic this time because she was there and she was explaining everything. I felt so loved and cared for! Katie said something like, "Let's meet this sweet baby Ellie!" and I just lost it. Happy tears were streaming down my face. I couldn't believe we were finally going to meet her!! We had been planning and hoping for a baby for a full year now and after losing Josiah it was SO special. Every moment with her has been so very precious. They pulled her out and she was so bitty and curled up! Just precious. They weighed and measured her and she was our longest baby by two whole inches! She was 6 lbs 9 oz and 20 inches long. They put her on my chest and we got to have skin to skin and it was just magical. She was so calm and alert. Her eyes so beautiful and big! I just cried and smiled and could hardly talk. Once I was done she nursed well and we got to see another nurse friend of ours Beth. It was so nice to see her. We were checked on multiple times by the Doctor, Stephanie, Eileen, and nurses who had walked through Josiah's delivery with us. It was so special to see their joy for us. We were asked if we were OK going back to the room we had Josiah in. We agreed that it would be nice to make some happy memories in there. In a weird way, things came full circle with her delivery. The recovery of course is not fun. I lost a lot of blood at one point, passed out at another, and have been downright slow and sore. But being bed-ridden for a while is probably good for me. I'm such a busy doer personality. This recovery has given me precious time with Ellie alone and with Matt. We had two days in the hospital to talk through my emotions and the whole thing. It was really special and I wouldn't trade it. We got to see our kids and families a few times while we were there and that was new and special and different since we've always delivered out of town! I couldn't be happier with the way everything went. I'm so thankful for awesome people who love and care for us and that they were able to walk us through this process! I wanted Stephanie SO badly to get to experience the joy of Ellie with us after walking through all the pain with us and Josiah. I'm so glad she was there to hug us and hold our sweet girl. It really meant the world to me. She's such a dear and wonderful friend beyond being our midwife. It just felt right for her to see us through this one last precious rainbow baby.

   Our precious Ellie girl! We are SO in love with you. So very thankful for you. We feel so blessed to have you here with us. You have continued to be so calm and sweet and easy. You are one loved little girl.